Our Life: 4/10/11

I was already in my 2nd Trimester when I was told I was pregnant. After being told so many times thru the years that I would never have children...it was both Special and Scary at the same time, because I had always tried to stay away from people who had children. I wanted a child so bad of my own that I missed the joy of all the other children in my Life. I have a God daughter and two step-children that I loved like I do my daughter but it just wasn't the same. I had to ask if I wanted to do anything for them or with them..and a mommy should not have to do that. I had "Caleb Benjamin" for a boy picked out and "Kaitlan McKenzie" chosen my a lil girl, but one night I had a very strange dream that awoke me...it was a sweet dream...but strange. In a beautiful field probably about the beginning of fall I saw a pretty lil blonde headed girl walking in the field and I could hear a woman calling her....Alayna....Alayna. I tried and tried to see who the child was in my dream but never got a good look at her face other than when she turned to the side to look at me...with a beautiful blue eye. Jill (my daughter's God mother) was at work that night at Evans Memorial Hospital and so I got up and got the phone to call her to ask her the name meaning...they had a huge name book there...lol and I could not find mine at 2:30am. When she looked up the name she told me it was the female version of Alan and that it ment "Sent from above". I was two weeks away from them attempting to tell me what I would be having so I wrote the name down and everyday the dream came to mind...but at the time I was just sure I was going to have a boy. My husband worked out of state during the week and was home most weekends..so when he came home that weekend I told him that if just by chance we had a girl that I had changed my mind on the girl name...lol a woman's decision changes without warning...lol all men should know that. I told him the dream and how it had stayed with me all week and that I was sure it was a sign that God was telling me to turn loose of my stepson who had passed away at the age of 10 from Cystic Fibrosis on December 22, 1998. His name was "Joshua Alan". I told my husband to please give it thought and if he liked the name that he could choose the middle name. He chose the name Danielle (old gf lol) and I loved it with Alayna but I wanted my daughter's name to be unique..so I chose the spelling of Alannah instead of Alayna. My grandmother (my mom's mama) passed away 5 weeks after my stepson on January 30, 1999. I remember thinking I was just going to die myself at that time..so many ppl I cherished and loved were dying and I didn't want to be here anymore. My grandmother's name was "Lois Ann" and if you break my daughter's name down..you will see "Alan" and "Ann" in her name with a twist to make it her own :) On March 6, 2003 I was told I was having a baby girl and from that day forward I have called her Alannah...and believe it or not...she is blonde headed and blue eyed....Truly a baby girl sent to me from "Heaven". (The Child of my Dreams) My Nanny used to tell me before I got married and after because I had no children of my own that one day God would call me home and let me keep the nursery in heaven...Thank you Nanny for giving me Hope until God gave me this precious child I have today called Alannah. I Love you and Josh and miss you both so much. My dream has come True :) She is my LiL Princess!!!